阳光早餐 | 四种利益他人的方法

来自慈法法师

from Master Cifa

2018年 4 月  由Robin整理

edited by Robin, Apr.2018

我们生活中许多人情世故不知道该如何处理才得当，怎样做才能利益到他人。 同事、爱语、饶益、布施就是在与人交往过程中利益别人的一种清晰、简单可行的方法。 今天与大家一起分享。

先来看这个例子。

面对孩子喜爱打游戏这件事，家长如果一味告诉孩子这件事情不应做，进行阻止和责难，恐怕孩子只能体会到委屈，在心理上会关闭和父母交流的通道。如果此时家长先放一放自己的角色，进入孩子的角色，扮演孩子的伙伴，就是“我和你是一样的”，一起玩耍。在这个过程中，与孩子分享自己的体验，再对孩子进行教育、交流，孩子就会更容易接受。

这个过程就是同事，它是交往的一个最重要的连接。这样在事件中，双方就变得平等，没有一方是强势或弱势、骄慢或自卑。 同事不是放弃自己的需求，而是在与对方同事的过程中，体会、实践放下自我的自由和奉献 。如果我们积极配合别人 、支持别人，那我们就是一个无我的支持者，十分了不起。所以，我们和任何人打交道， 同事一定是第一步 ，这是行为上的接受。

爱语呢，就是一个接受状态下的交流表达 ，是尊重、感激、平和、如实、简单的内容。

同事、爱语本身不是目的，它们是一个和对方建立连接、建立沟通管道的过程。我们的目的是布施、饶益对方， 布施、饶益是结果 。为了真正利益到对方，才有同事、爱语这样的过程。

布施可以是各种内容 ，包括物质上、具体方法上、思想心灵觉悟上的，或者平和、安慰、随顺的语言上的。比如我们给别人推荐方法，同时不要求别人或期待别人去做，这个就是布施的特定心理。留给对方足够的空间去体验、观察和实践，这里头就充满了真实饶益对方的慈悲心理。一旦有了要求，就和布施没有关系了。

回到教育孩子的例子上，我们的目的是不管发生什么事，都要培养孩子健康、从容的心，培养自己宽容的心。那么在与孩子同事、爱语的过程中，我们就打开了管道，可以把方法等等的内容给予孩子，真正利益到他。

在跟随师父慈法法师学习佛法的过程中，常有抑制不住的感动与受益，我真诚地愿意对同参道友尽一份供养的心，尽可能地把师父随机开示的记录整理分享给大家。记录的内容主要是日常生活中出现的某一个角度的问题，希望我们能够举一反三、触类旁通地去观察、觉悟整个人生，依法唤起对本净本具美妙的缘起作用，使我们的人生变得美好与丰富多彩。

In daily life, we often don’t know how to deal with worldly affairs properly and how to benefit others. Befriending, kind words, benefiting others and giving freely are four clear, simple and practical methods which we can use to benefit other people in our social interactions. Today let’s share them with you together.

First, let’s take a look at the following example: children’s computer game addiction. If parents simply prevent their kids from playing, constantly interrupt their games and always blame them, the only thing that children will feel is frustration, and the children may cut off the channels of communication with their parents. But if the parents put their parent’s role aside first, and get involved in a child role, play together with their kids as their playmate and try to think they are the same as their kids, they can share their own experiences with their kids in the process of playing and the subsequent communication and teaching can be accepted by the kids more easily.

This process can be called  “befriending”. It is the most crucial method to communicate. In such situation as mentioned above, both sides will feel equal and no one stands weak or strong, proud or humble. Befriending doesn’t mean that we should give up our own needs, instead, we can experience the freedom and dedication of letting our ego fade away. If we really learn how to actively support and cooperate with others, then we become a remarkable selfless supporter.

So, the first step when dealing with people is to become a good buddy of them, which also means other people have accepted us . Only under the circumstances of acceptance may kind words express. Kind words has contents of respect, gratitude, peacefulness, honesty and simplicity.

Becoming a good buddy of others and saying kind words are not an end in itself, but a process of establishing communication channels with them. Our goal is to benefit other people, thus giving and benefiting are the results.

Giving may hold different aspects, giving material goods, specific advice, spiritual awareness, or peaceful, soothing and harmonious words. If we want to provide someone with a method or advice, we should not require him or count on him to apply it. This is the specific motivation of giving: handing out without conditions or expectations. Adequate space is provided to others for their own experience, observation and practice, which is real compassion for the other people. Demanding or expecting has nothing to do with giving.

Let’s get back to the example of children’s education. Our purpose is to foster our children’s healthy and relaxed mind and cultivate our tolerance, despite whatever happens. Thus through befriending and saying kind words, we can ease and open communication channels and benefit our children with useful methods, etc.

Editor's Note

While following our Master Cifa and learning Buddhism from him, very often I cannot help being moved by his targeted instructions and benefit a lot from them. Now, with a sincerely offering heart for you my fellow practitioners, I’d like to try as much as I can to share his instructions with all of you that I have recorded and sorted out. These series of records covered a number of problems from our daily life. Each problem is reflected from a specific perspective. I hope that we can learn by analog to observe and enlighten our whole life, so as, according to dharma, to arouse us to start using the inherent pure Buddha-nature as our wonderful arising condition, and make our life more beautiful, richer and more colorful.

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