阳光早餐 | 四摄法——解决交流中出现的问题
The Light of Life
Sunshine Breakfast
生命之光·阳光早餐
人与人交流过程中经常会出现被动、消极的问题，用四摄法来解决这个问题比较方便、简单。四摄法是同事、爱语、布施、饶益。这四个步骤中饶益是目的，不管怎么交流，总想着怎么利益对方的时候，就会有同事、爱语、布施。
家庭和感情生活要是没有四摄法，就很麻烦，就是鸡说鸡语、鸭说鸭语，谁都在坚持自己的东西的时候，就形成了闭塞。
同 事
同事，是要了解对方，将心比心，换位思考，换位观察。
爱 语
爱语，就是先接受、包容对方，让对方心理松弛，然后才可以真诚跟对方交流。
布 施
布施，是给对方支持。看对方需要什么样的引导、帮助，给对方一个支持，比如金钱的布施、方法的布施、爱的布施等等。
饶 益
先站在对方的角度去思考、去观察、去交流。对方不需要的东西不表达，需要的就支持，那一定能饶益对方，给对方带来支持，对方也就愿意跟你交流。你要是跟人交流时总让别人心里堵得慌、郁闷，那谁愿意跟你交流呢？
我们在双向、多向的交流过程中，主动运用这个四摄法就掌握了先机。因为是饶益对方的，就没有什么可顾及得失的了。自利利他，自己觉悟了，同时也给他人带来觉悟的机会。
来自慈法法师的『生命之光 · 阳光早餐』
2019年5月由Robin整理
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Robin 编后语
在跟随师父慈法法师学习佛法的过程中，常有抑制不住的感动与受益，我真诚地愿意对同参道友尽一份供养的心，尽可能地把师父随机开示的记录整理分享给大家。记录的内容主要是日常生活中出现的某一个角度的问题，希望我们能够举一反三、触类旁通地去观察、觉悟整个人生，依法唤起对本净本具美妙的缘起作用，使我们的人生变得美好与丰富多彩。
Four means to win people over
—— a method to solve communication problems
Passive and negative interactions often occur among people. This issue can be solved by a method we could call " Four Means to Win People Over": becoming a buddy, saying kind words, giving generously, benefiting others. To benefit others is the goal while the first three are the means to achieve this goal.
Without these four means, relationships in a family or a couple may become difficult. The channel of communication could be compromised because everyone insists on their own point of view and refuses to understand that of others and to adjust.
The objective of becoming a buddy means to understand the situation and perspective of others by putting ourselves in their shoes.
The goal of saying kind words means to accept and tolerate others first, make them relaxed, so that they can open their heart to us.
Giving generously means to support others according to their needs in forms of money, methods or love. The key is to step in their shoes to think, to observe and to communicate, offering help when they need it and refraining from giving help when they don't.
This way, we can truly benefit and support them. As a result, other people will enjoy communicating with us. Otherwise if we always make the other feel depressed or unhappy, who would ever like to talk to us?
When we communicate with one or more people, we have a head start as soon as we proactively make use of these four means. Because we act for the benefit of others, we can think, say or do anything and our actions will give us a chance to awaken both ourselves and others.
Light of Life
Sunshine Breakfast
Editor's Note
While following our Master Cifa and learning Buddhism from him, very often I cannot help being moved by his targeted instructions and benefit a lot from them. Now, with a sincerely offering heart for you my fellow practitioners, I’d like to try as much as I can to share his instructions with all of you that I have recorded and sorted out. These series of records covered a number of problems from our daily life. Each problem is reflected from a specific perspective. I hope that we can learn by analog to observe and enlighten our whole life, so as, according to dharma, to arouse us to start using the inherent pure Buddha-nature as our wonderful arising condition, and make our life more beautiful, richer and more colorful.
from Robin
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