阳光早餐 | 善用善心
The Light of Life
Sunshine Breakfast
生命之光·阳光早餐
如果有人在需要帮助的时候，我们凭借一时的情绪，没有冷静、长久地去审视自己的作为能力，这就不仅帮不了对方，反而会难及自己。那我们如何把这颗善心运用的得当，真正的能做到自利利他呢？
一时的热心，会有激情、动力，但更多的是短期效应，很难持续，有时候甚至会给对方带来压力和伤害。一个人需要帮助时一般是处于一种被动的状态，容易暴露出他弱势、窘况的一面。这个点如果处理不好，待对方恢复过来，会有颠覆的可能性。所以在帮助别人的时候，尽量不去夺取别人的主体意识及作为空间，可以给予方法、信心、祝福等力所能及的支持。长久、冷静地去看，一时的热心就会如实下来。
像父母对孩子的教育，重要的是把位置定好——在孩子成长的过程中，孩子一定是主体，父母是个辅助者，不夺取孩子主动选择与承担责任的权利与机会。不期待、不逼迫，耐心地给予健康的引导，支持孩子有独立的作为的空间，才是真正对孩子的尊重。
现在很多的家庭恰恰相反，一定要让孩子听话——其实大部分都是打着为对方好的理由来满足自我的需要。父母意识不到，一开始的善心在作为的过程中不知不觉已变成了要求，久而久之孩子就会产生对抗与叛逆，父母则会感到莫名的委屈。
来自慈法法师的『生命之光 · 阳光早餐』
2018年7月由Robin整理
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Robin 编后语
在跟随师父慈法法师学习佛法的过程中，常有抑制不住的感动与受益，我真诚地愿意对同参道友尽一份供养的心，尽可能地把师父随机开示的记录整理分享给大家。记录的内容主要是日常生活中出现的某一个角度的问题，希望我们能够举一反三、触类旁通地去观察、觉悟整个人生，依法唤起对本净本具美妙的缘起作用，使我们的人生变得美好与丰富多彩。
Be kind in a good way
When helping those in need with impulsive passion, without reflecting upon our abilities, we may not only fail to help, but also embarrass ourselves. How can we be kind in a good way, benefiting both ourselves and others?
Passion has its power but only lasts a short while. Sometimes it may bring pressure and harm to others. When someone needs help, they are in a passive status and expose weaknesses or embarrassment easily. If that is not well noted, more harm than good may be achieved when the person gain himself. Thus, whenever you help others, try not to deprive them of their independence or space but rather, provide support by offering blessing, confidence and advice in appropriate ways.This type of passion will be enduring.
Like the parents’ education of their children, the key is to position yourself and your child with awareness and sensitivity. In the process of children’s growth, children are the main body and parents the supporters.They should not deprive children of the rights and opportunities of making choices or being responsible. Real respect for children is to give them independent space so that they can make their own choices under parents’ patient and supportive direction without expectation.
Many families are doing just the opposite. Parents force their children to be obedient. Actually, they are fulfilling their own needs in the guise of helping or loving their children. They are not aware of the fact that their original kindness turns into obligations as time goes by. So children will become rebellious and resentful of their help and parents may feel wronged.
The key to help others is to help while keeping our heart away from attachment. If you can help others while knowing the whole matter to be as illusory as a dream, you are being kind in a good way.
Light of Life
Sunshine Breakfast
Editor's Note
While following our Master Cifa and learning Buddhism from him, very often I cannot help being moved by his targeted instructions and benefit a lot from them. Now, with a sincerely offering heart for you my fellow practitioners, I’d like to try as much as I can to share his instructions with all of you that I have recorded and sorted out. These series of records covered a number of problems from our daily life. Each problem is reflected from a specific perspective. I hope that we can learn by analog to observe and enlighten our whole life, so as, according to dharma, to arouse us to start using the inherent pure Buddha-nature as our wonderful arising condition, and make our life more beautiful, richer and more colorful.
from Robin
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本期美编：Sunshine
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